3 Great Gifts for Lonely Friends
The Boyfriend Pillow
Shield your friend from that empty bed with the Boyfriend Pillow, available here. It will absorb her tears as she cries, “I have never felt so alone.” And it’s wearing a nice button-down shirt so she can also dream that it has a job.
The Bug Vacuum
This insect vacuum will come in handy because, let’s face it: all her screaming won’t conjure a boyfriend to kill it for her. Hammacher Schlemmer boasts that its version “vacuumed up 24 live crickets in only 15 seconds.” (Did we need to know they were alive at the time?) If your friend needs to vacuum up 24 bugs every 15 seconds, it may be time to fix her up with a local exterminator. It would be a match made in cricket heaven.
Paparazzi for Hire
Make her fantasies come true by renting a horde of stalkerazzi at Famous for a Day. She’ll be amazed as she’s swarmed by autograph seekers at the laundromat. And when photographers jockey for the best angle, her table for one at MooShu Palace will feel like the best place in town!
Another helpful post:
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends
I charge 3 dollars and hour as a up skirt photographer. It's more of an artistic release than a business to me.
I had a full body pillow that I used during my pregnancy. It is extremely comfortable and doesn't burp, fart, sweat, snore, steal the covers or elbow me in the night.
@C.B.Jones: Everybody deserves full release once in a while. Bravo for making yours artistic to boot.
@Pamela: Yeah, body pillows are great whether they're a partner substitute or not.
Personally, I want the paparazzi. They would really impress everybody at the corner store.
That pillow boyfriend is just…eerie. I could have sworn I saw this someplace before. Thinking this might have been a strange Japanese product, I googled and found this. The Japanese do weird so well…
@Herman: Yes, the boyfriend pillow originated in Japan. My link in the story was to a Japanese manufacturer.
Thanks for the story link, though.
Originally, I was going to use Hammacher Schlemmer's full body wraparound pillow for this: no hands on it but it surrounds you. But for the sight gag, this one won by a country mile.
The boyfriend pillow is hilarious. I'm gonna buy one of those just so I have it around to give to someone as a joke in the future.
@freetheunicorns: I wonder if they make them with left and right options so you could sew them together and spoon with it on the couch.
Now I know what I'm doing wrong – I accidentally bought the "Keep Your Distance Pillow."
Dammit.
…A.
A lot of my friends would use the boyfriend pillow :P. It certainly can be a good gift :)
Come to think of it, I had what was called a "Boyfriend Pillow" in the 80's in college but back then, they didn't look like an actual "boyfriend". Mine looked like a armed chair back and was covered in bright yellow corduroy. I wonder if you can even get those anymore?
@Anna: For me, it works like that to keep my husband on his side of the bed. Plus I can feel like I had a threesome.
@Fadi: It's true. I hope that the shirt is washable, to get off the sleep drool.
@Pamela: Corduroy could work. It would be like sleeping with a guy with a rough beard.