Magick Sandwich

Bill O’Reilly Cures Depression

Yes, dear imaginary reader, I’ve been feeling Too Bummed to Blog, which should be listed in the DSM-IV. (If you don’t know what the DSM-IV is, wiki it, okay? I don’t have the will to explain.)

This is one of those times when subscribing to updates from Funny or Die pays off. Part of the allure must be its name, which appeals to both ends of my psychic teeter-totter. Checking email requires a vanishingly small amount of volition; clicking a hyperlink burns less than a mental calorie. Even I can handle that.

The site’s recording of an actual call to Des Moines Police Dispatch by an officer being hit with an M&M is priceless. (Update: While the audio is no longer available, you can still find the news story here. I wonder if the college student arrested for the assault has had trouble finding employment because of his criminal record.  As I write this nine years later, I realize how unfunny that run-in would be today.)

That leads me to the video of a  Bill O’Reilly meltdown, which is pure audiovisual Prozac.  I guarantee it will warm your cockles, wherever they may anatomically be. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you: when are you going to get around to washing those? They’re starting to reek.

In fact, if you suffer from a mood disorder of any kind, I highly recommend signing up for Funny or Die’s newsletter. Of course, the Will Ferrell “Landlord” video is deservedly the site’s most famous offering. But even the lame bits beat any spam from Nigeria or one of your buddy’s latest computer virus warnings. (“Somebody checked it out on snopes.com, so it must be true!”)

N.B. If you’re still feeling down, maybe Bill’s rant wasn’t enough for you. In this case, I would prescribe Top Ten Angry On-Camera Meltdowns, stat. If you’re still depressed, call 911. I’m not a miracle worker.

Related posts:

Best Suicide Note Ever!
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!

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