Lonely on Valentine's Day? There's an App for That

It’s Valentine’s Day again, when lonely souls feel contractually obligated to search for a good time. They need look no further than their smartphones with the OhMiBod app, available since 2012 on iTunes and now, fittingly, on Google Play. This breakthrough for the hands-free onanist allows one to operate one’s vibrator remotely.

Designed for touch screen control, the app also works with the iPad and iPod touch. A tap on the screen accesses five preloaded settings, including “Ooh I like!” and the mysterious “Fire Alarm.” For a more personalized experience, OhMiBod can direct the massager to pulsate with the beat of one’s favorite songs, perhaps causing bass-heavy rock bands to edge out, say, Moby, on one’s playlist.

Of course, this remote can be used by couples as well. What boyfriend wouldn’t want to take a break from playing Angry Birds to pleasure his woman while watching porn and indulging in low-tech masturbation in another room?

Steve Jobs would be so proud.

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