John McCain Archives - Magick Sandwich

It’s that time again when I’ve got lots of filler but nothing sandwich-worthy. So here it is, another serving of fixins!

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I think Rudy Giuliani should buy a Porsche so he can say, “Hi, I’m Rudy and this is my 9-11.” It would give him one more way to bring up his favorite topic.

Addendum: Why hasn’t anybody protested to get Porsche to change the name of that model out of respect for the victims? Someone should get on that right away.

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T-shirt idea:

Front:
Don’t hate me for drinking bottled water.

Back:
Hate me for selling crack to your kids.

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President Palin: If McCain wins and dies of some face-melting cancer, we’ll end up with the gerund-dropping vagina minder in office. I think if that happens we should swap out the Oval Office for the set of Hee Haw. It’ll make her presidential addresses seem more authentic. The Hee Haw guys could sing Gloom Despair and Agony in the background.

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The Wall Street bailout shouldn’t shock anyone. Millions of people use something every day to try for a bailout: it’s called a lottery ticket. It’s said that a person is more likely to be struck by lightning than to win the lottery. With the state of the world, getting hit by lightning might not be such a bad thing. I’ve tried standing with my ticket in a tin foil hat in the middle of a thunderstorm but that hasn’t worked, either. I guess I have no luck at all.

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Well, that’s all for today, boys and girls. I’ve got to get back on eBay and bid on more Lehman Brothers stuff.

Looks like I’m gonna need it.

More fixins:
Sandwich Fixins
Sandwich Fixins #2

The movie Idiocracy will get a second chance with American audiences during its upcoming release as a documentary, say Hollywood insiders. Overlooked during its initial run as a comedy, critics found the plot too far-fetched, with a pro wrestler as president and a dumbed-down future in which Ow, My Balls! was the highest-rated TV show on Earth.

Thanks to the behavior of our president and the pretenders to his throne, this scenario is more “near-fetched”—to borrow from George Carlin—than ever. President Bush appears on Deal or No Deal.

Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain pander to the fans on WWE RAW. Barack bowls. Hillary does shots.

Although Idiocracy is set 500 years in the future, it seems that our political hopefuls are appealing to the movie’s constituency right now. Are we that stupid? There are ow-my-balls-ish signs: Farmer Wants a Wife, Living Lohan, a hundred seasons of America’s Funniest Home Videos and counting. Et tu, Tom Bergeron?

Are the candidates that stupid? For an amusing yet sobering answer, check out this collection of the 2008 campaign’s most embarrassing moments.

Personally, I’m holding out for the La-Z-Boy with a toilet in it. Adult diapers were a good first step, but I believe in American ingenuity.

Now there’s a throne we can believe in.

Tag Archive for: John McCain

Sandwich Fixins #3

Idiocracy Now Qualifies as a Documentary