Tag Archive for: lashes

Prescription Eyelashes Product of the Week Magick Sandwich

Prescription Eyelashes: Product of the Week

It’s FDA-approved and has Brooke Shields as its “compensated spokesperson” so it must be a miracle product. What is it? It’s Latisse!Prescription Eyelashes Product of the Week Magick Sandwich
According to the print and TV advertising, this product is for “inadequate or not enough lashes.” It’s nice of them to want to include customers who don’t know what the word inadequate means. There’s a clinical term for this scourge: hypotrichosis. Yes, it’s a real disorder. I always felt sorry for Brooke Shields and her puny lashes; perhaps she is preparing for a trip by camel through a sandstorm and really needs a lush fringe to protect her beautiful eyes.

Speaking of eyes, here’s a snippet of the ad:

May cause eyelid skin darkening which may be reversible and there is potential for increased brown iris pigmentation which is likely permanent.

Wow, I can see why the FDA approved this while hassling Cheerios for its claims of lower cholesterol. Permanently changing the color of my eye while getting thicker lashes is definitely preferable to possibly not getting a heart benefit while eating a nourishing breakfast cereal.

If you are using prescription medications for lowering eye pressure or have a history of eye pressure problems, only use Latisse under close doctor care….If you develop or experience any eye problems or have eye surgery, consult your doctor immediately about continued use of Latisse. Common side effects include itchy eye and eye redness.

Why should I let a silly little thing like protecting my vision hold me back? Perhaps Allergan should print some advertisements in Braille for those in their desired client base who don’t have to worry about these things. I even have an idea for that group’s spokesperson: paging Stevie Wonder!

This is going to be such a hit in the Middle East. Brazen hussies will shamelessly bat their eyes and seduce the locals like a burka-clad Mae West: “Is that a banana under your dishdasha or are you just glad to see me?” I’m sure Allergan already has a marketing plan in place.

In the TV ad, Brooke looks at us winsomely under her pneumatic lashes and says, “Ask your doctor if Latisse is right for you.”

If he says yes, find yourself another doctor.

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