I just want my opposable thumbs to get along.
I find exercise videos and instructional manuals offensive. They’re so graphic.
I can’t figure out Reader’s Digest Condensed Books. When I add water, they just turn into a soupy mess.
I would think they would’ve improved the technology by now.
Instead of asking if Bruce Willis, at 54, is too old for his bride, 30-year-old Victoria’s Secret model Emma Heming, we should be asking this: Isn’t she too old to be a model?
I think flatulence has earned our respect. Think how far it had to travel just to remind you that you had a taco for lunch.
At a champagne brunch, ask for a virgin mimosa.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
But not a new flower per drop, of course. That would be a doomsday scenario for the human race, pretty flowers choking out all life as we know it. Except possibly bees.