Posts

Weiner Watch 2011

Anthony Weiner

What’s that in your eye?

As of this writing, Congressman Anthony Weiner has refused to resign over sending photographs of his suspicious package to young girls across this great nation of ours. Predictions as to when he will cave under pressure continue apace. I think it will happen Friday at the latest, sooner if Nancy Pelosi gets her hands on him. But I’m no Jimmy the Greek–for all I know, it’s happening right now. It’s anybody’s guess.

The only certainty is that he will resign, despite his vows to the contrary. Weiner is discovering there is scant support for a crusading lone wolf type, especially when the improprieties revealed are so mind-numbingly stupid. I hope Eliot Spitzer has called to let him know that resignation is the first step toward image rehabilitation. I’m getting tired of watching him twist in the wind.

Anthony Weiner's wiener

The junk shot seen ’round the world.

The blogger who broke this story claims to have a more salacious photograph he is holding as insurance against retaliation from the Democrats. I submit that Weiner has more to fear from the Party than the blogger does. Any number of politicians–on either side of the aisle–could tell him damage done to the Party is not soon forgiven. This begs the question: what the hell is wrong with these people? Men, to be specific. Is there some sort of testosterone poisoning that causes them to secretly father children, to hire an escort from an online site or attempt to pick up a man in an airport bathroom, all while trumpeting “family values”?

And now a man named Weiner pitches a pup tent in his shorts, documents it, then shares it with young girls, thereby exciting himself all over again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Were he not a public servant, one might admire Weiner’s use of Facebook and Twitter to perfect his own perpetual erection machine. Then again, judicious use of pornography in the privacy of his own home might have achieved the same goal. And he’d still have a career. Facebook and Twitter are public and people share things. Who knew? Apparently not Congressman Weiner.

Anthony Weiner takes his place in a long line of idiots seemingly ruled by their dicks. Conservatives are taking this opportunity to call for the Democratic Party to return donations. Let’s get real here, guys. If the Republicans gave back donations after every sex scandal, they wouldn’t have the proverbial pot to piss in. They’re going to need it when they’re calling the kettle black.

Updates from Weiner World:
Don’t Cry for Anthony Weiner
Anthony Weiner Waves His Wiener Once More
Weiner Watch 2018: Your Dad’s Not So Bad

Copyright Notice 2018 Magick Sandwich

Magick Sandwich

Celebrity News of the Future

After years of erratic behavior, it has been confirmed that Gwen Stefani‘s children are suffering from what is becoming known as Fetal Peroxide Syndrome. Christina Aguilera and Gwyneth Paltrow have been notified along with a long list of stars, who now have their children under close observation.

Seriously, am I the only one who has looked at these pregnant stars and been surprised that they never show roots? They’re eating brown rice and drinking water made from the tears of Tibetan monks, but they’re still having chemicals marinate on their scalps through every trimester?

Expectant mothers are put through hell these days, filled with fear about alcohol, second-hand smoke and stress hormones affecting the fetus. Ask a woman who can’t or won’t breastfeed what kind of crap she takes from other people. Think about women watching their diets because eating peanuts or tomato sauce might give the baby a rash or diarrhea when they breastfeed.

Meanwhile, these stars are on the cover of US Weekly being hailed as earth mothers while they’re expressing Nice’n’Easy into their babies’ mouths. Give me a break.

Copyright Magick Sandwich