3 Great Gifts for Lonely Friends

Shopping for friends who can’t seem to function outside of a relationship? Afraid you’re going to be drafted to fill in the gaping hole in their lives? Expend minimal effort to ensure they don’t come crying to you with Magick Sandwich’s 3 great gifts for lonely friends.

The Boyfriend Pillow

boyfriend pillow 3 great gifts for lonely friends

Shield your friend from that empty bed with the Boyfriend Pillow, available here. It will absorb her tears as she cries, “I have never felt so alone.” And it’s wearing a nice button-down shirt so she can also dream that it has a job.

The Bug Vacuum

bug vacuum 3 great gifts for Lonely Friends

This insect vacuum will come in handy because, let’s face it: all her screaming won’t conjure a boyfriend to kill it for her. Hammacher Schlemmer boasts that its version “vacuumed up 24 live crickets in only 15 seconds.” (Did we need to know they were alive at the time?) If your friend needs to vacuum up 24 bugs every 15 seconds, it may be time to fix her up with a local exterminator. It would be a match made in cricket heaven.

Paparazzi for Hire

paparazzi for hire 3 great gifts for lonely friends

Make her fantasies come true by renting a horde of stalkerazzi at Famous for a Day. She’ll be amazed as she’s swarmed by autograph seekers at the laundromat. And when photographers jockey for the best angle, her table for one at MooShu Palace will feel like the best place in town!

Another helpful post:
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends

Copyright Magick Sandwich

11 replies
  1. Pamela
    Pamela says:

    I had a full body pillow that I used during my pregnancy. It is extremely comfortable and doesn't burp, fart, sweat, snore, steal the covers or elbow me in the night.

  2. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    @C.B.Jones: Everybody deserves full release once in a while. Bravo for making yours artistic to boot.

    @Pamela: Yeah, body pillows are great whether they're a partner substitute or not.

    Personally, I want the paparazzi. They would really impress everybody at the corner store.

  3. HermanTurnip
    HermanTurnip says:

    That pillow boyfriend is just…eerie. I could have sworn I saw this someplace before. Thinking this might have been a strange Japanese product, I googled and found this. The Japanese do weird so well…

  4. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    @Herman: Yes, the boyfriend pillow originated in Japan. My link in the story was to a Japanese manufacturer.
    Thanks for the story link, though.

    Originally, I was going to use Hammacher Schlemmer's full body wraparound pillow for this: no hands on it but it surrounds you. But for the sight gag, this one won by a country mile.

  5. Pamela
    Pamela says:

    Come to think of it, I had what was called a "Boyfriend Pillow" in the 80's in college but back then, they didn't look like an actual "boyfriend". Mine looked like a armed chair back and was covered in bright yellow corduroy. I wonder if you can even get those anymore?

  6. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    @Anna: For me, it works like that to keep my husband on his side of the bed. Plus I can feel like I had a threesome.

    @Fadi: It's true. I hope that the shirt is washable, to get off the sleep drool.

    @Pamela: Corduroy could work. It would be like sleeping with a guy with a rough beard.


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