Do you wake up with a wreath of methane hanging around your head from your significant other’s flatus following a Taco Bell bender the night before?
Are you oxygen-deprived by the fart machine who works in the next cubicle?
Do you enjoy emitting the foul, gaseous issue of your rectum in public but rue the accusing stares in the elevator?
Well, thank your lucky stars that there is a product for the sphincter control challenged: it’s the Flat-D.
The Flatulence Deodorizer is actually a discreet charcoal filter that you secure to your underwear before going out on the town for a night of unbridled passing. You can view the how-to video here.
Imagine the joy of blowing a broccoli fart while being reprimanded by your boss. It’ll lower the psi in your colon and he’ll never know what triggered his migraine.
There is one caveat for the guys: this male maxi-pad will not work in boxer shorts, which do not cling tightly enough to your exhaust portal for the fart filter to be effective. So switch to tighty whiteys or face the grim task of actually holding it in.
The company makes a charcoal chair pad, but you’ll need to practice getting your farts to blow straight down into it. An errant squeaker squirting up twixt the ass cheeks can be hard to disown.
Luckily, Flat-D Innovations hasn’t forgotten the ladies. If you prefer to outgas in sexy underwear, the Thong-D is for you!
And best of all, it’s 100% guaranteed. Believe it or not, if you are unsatisfied, you can return the nasty thing with your farts locked inside for a full refund.
But please be kind and seal it well before mailing; you don’t want to knock out the UPS guy who inadvertently gives it a squeeze and releases its stench like smelly minions from Satan’s couch cushion.
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