Magick Monday Manscaping Tutorial
Here at Magick Sandwich, we are committed to the social construct known as pube grooming.
We are proud to see that Gillette supports this cause with its online instructional videos for men. It tells men how to shave their faces, backs and chests. But “How to Shave: Shaving Down There” is our hands-down favorite.
“When there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.” Wow. That’s subtle.
Oddly enough, for sheer balls, you’ll have to watch the ad that Schick Quattro for Women is running on televisions across our great nation. Stop over at Bee’s Musings to see the incredible shrinking bushes. I have to say I understand the one cropped to a landing strip and the inverted triangle, but the round and square ones? Kinky. Also, where was the topiary that gets pruned to nothing a la the Sphinx? (That’s completely bare for you laymen out there.)
Schick’s website’s tagline is “Because you never know what might happen between shaves.” Yeah, don’t let that spontaneous standup assignation with a busboy in the restroom at Red Lobster catch you unaware. Pubic stubble? Now that would be embarrassing.
More personal care items:
Fart Filter: Product of the Week
Scrotal Deodorant Wash: Product of the Week
At the risk of being branded a hippie, I must say this: Ew. Just fucking ew. I refuse to have sex with a guy who grooms the pubes — it feels weird and looks stupid and NO IT DOES NOT MAKE YOUR PENIS LOOK BIGGER. Sorry, I want to feel like I'm having sex with a man, not a nine-year-old boy, and as far as I'm concerned, grown-ups come with body hair. And your shaved crotch looks ridiculous.
/rant over
It would seem that once you start shaving you can never stop… Think about it. Can you imagine having stubble on your ball sack? It would be like wearing sand paper underwear… Ouch!
Personally I don't enjoy flossing while I eat. Just sayin' :D
@Carrie: Amen, sister! The penis is a bit undignified to begin with. Trimming it bald doesn't help the aesthetics.
@Just Sayin': Yes, I knew someone in college who did it for his girlfriend. He was straitlaced and horrified about scratching himself in public. He said the itching was unbearable as the hair grew back in. I'm pretty sure once was enough for that guy.
@Skye: I'm just sayin' that this website's reasoning is absurd. Maybe some guys will believe it makes their johnsons look bigger. They're in for a shock if they're on a first date and drop trou without warning them first.
It might be a turn-on if a woman does it but not for the same reason. I can't see Schick saying, say no to fur so your kitty will look HUGE.
How you deal with hair or lack thereof is your business. I don't judge. Well, I do, but I confine it to the companies that are marketing the bushwhacking.
From a friend, a link to Juvenile Wordplay on Wonkette.com:Healthcare Debate Rages Over Pubes
http://wonkette.com/410538/healthcare-debate-rages-over-pubes
Please do your part to support snideness wherever you find it.
Shaving the pubes. It keeps the crabs at bay. Should you die the maggots have one less place to hide.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG! I am so gonna make the husband watch this! He's always all "but it itches!" and now I can say "Babe, the tree will look bigger!"
"There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."
-Dr. Evil
@Don, you always say the darndest things. But I have one question: Do maggots really hide? That would imply they realize their acts are shameful. Why haven't we been prosecuting these little buggers all along?
@Bee, thanks for finding the Schick bush ad. That's what gave me the idea for this. As for getting your man to shave, it's really something you should only ask a guy to do if you really want to torture him with the itchiness as the hair grows back. At least, that's what my friend told me.
@Herman: Did Dr. Evil really say that? Was it on the commentary track for Austin Powers? Or are you just joshing and like being teabagged by silky smooth balls?
I think it is a revelation to me that I can get a bikini trim.. Is it as painful as a bikini wax??? Will I have a rash for days afterward and have to choose my wardrobe accordingly??? Please, advise because even fogies want to avoid looking like a National Geographic video opportunity….
@kathcom's mom: You've gotten waxed? That's torture!
Yes, you'll get a rash but there are numerous unguents you can apply for that. Of course, they will make you scream in pain and/or stain your clothing.
With your National Geographic comment, I'm sure you've offended numerous groups. I'm so proud that you're my mother!