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Idiocracy Now Qualifies as a Documentary
The movie Idiocracy will get a second chance with American audiences during its upcoming release as a documentary, say Hollywood insiders. Overlooked during its initial run as a comedy, critics found the plot too far-fetched, with a pro wrestler as president and a dumbed-down future in which Ow, My Balls! was the highest-rated TV show […]
Cancer Slut Lance Armstrong Dating Kate Hudson
I guess Kate got sick of balls slapping both sides of her chin.
Bush Saves Social Security?
“There’s not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me.” — George W. Bush, on the coming Social Security crisis, Wilton, CT, June 9, 2000 At times, our 43rd president can be somewhat inscrutable.(I say this because it sounds so much smarter than subliminable.) The above quote came […]
More Louise Hay Garbage
I admit that I’ve whored around the Self-Help section of life’s cosmic bookstore, looking for answers. But since perfectionism can lead to procrastination, I stopped. Serial killers tend to have high self-esteem, too, but I found that out in the Psychology section, Self-Help’s educated relative a few shelves down. But there’s one old mindfuck that keeps […]
Bill O’Reilly Cures Depression
Yes, dear imaginary reader, I’ve been feeling Too Bummed to Blog, which should be listed in the DSM-IV. (If you don’t know what the DSM-IV is, wiki it, okay? I don’t have the will to explain.) This is one of those times when subscribing to updates from Funny or Die pays off. Part of the allure […]
Best Suicide Note Ever!
Proper execution (pun intended) is crucial for the note’s irony to be appreciated, considering the decedent’s inability to explain. Typewritten, in a sealed envelope found in a pocket, are the words, “I was cleaning my gun when it accidentally went off.”
Reduce Your Carbon Footprint – Don’t Breed!
I have wondered what legacy I will leave behind, having borne no children. There is the unsung heroism of not passing on my own unpalatable genetic soup to future generations. (Since women in my family tend to start menopause young, I see Mother Nature as a lifeguard trying to hustle us out of the pool.) […]