Stupid baby names

The Stupid Baby Name Generator or Zuma Nesta Rock Paper Scissors: Home Edition

Remember back in 1987, when everybody gave Woody Allen crap for naming his kid Satchel? What a difference a couple of decades make. In homage to the latest Hollywood couple upping the ante of sadistic baby names, I have come up with a very unscientific method of naming your next living, breathing fashion accessory. (By […]

3 Uses for September Vogue

3 Uses for September Vogue

Like all good citizens, you are grateful to all the trees who gave their lives to create your fabulous Fall Fashion issue of Vogue. You want to do your part to make the world a more beautiful place. Go beyond the boring dictates of “reduce, reuse, recycle” with these super new ways to give back: […]

Sandwich Fixins #2

  Fun Fact: The remains of Fredric Baur, the man who invented the Pringles can, are buried in a Pringles can.     Vocabulary Fun for a Good Cause: For each word you define correctly, the United Nations’ World Food Bank will donate ten grains of rice to help feed the world’s hungry.     […]

Magick Sandwich

5 Lessons from Customer Service

To give you a little background on my expertise, I can tell you that during my professional career, I’ve made sandwiches, cleaned toilets, sold health food and hawked plastic surgery. Amazingly enough, the plastic surgery patient has much in common with the health food store customer—one wants to stay young forever from the inside out, […]

Lance and Kate Split: The Horror, The Horror

Say it ain’t so! Philandering one-balled bicyclist Lance Armstrong and free love advocate Kate Hudson have called it quits! I, for one, am shocked and dismayed! Click here for details from Daily News. Just kidding—I know you don’t really care. This is just one more thing to distract us from the national deficit, Ted Stevens‘ […]

Magick Sandwich

Sandwich Fixins

In an homage* to Mattress Police, in which Diesel “clean(s) out the disorganized sock drawer of [his] mind,” I present the hopelessly derivative yet first ever edition of Sandwich Fixins. *homage: ten dollar word for theft ******* Fun Fact: When I was a teenager, I liked to steal “Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted” signs. ******* Psychology […]

i wish i were dead mug

Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!

Hey, everybody! Have you been struggling with what to get for those desperately unhappy people in your life? Why wait for an official holiday? (After all, they could be dead by then.) Sad, lonely people are grateful for the smallest gesture and may even feel a flicker of hope before their inexorable fall back into […]

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