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Scrotal Deodorant Wash: Product of the Week
Guys, place your orders for Man Junk, a new organic crotch wash made just for your schwantz, taint and family jewels. Here’s a bit of the ad copy: How nice would it be, knowing that your significant other or one-night stand (hey, we’re not perfect either) is pleasantly surprised instead of trying not to breathe […]
Monetize This!
Am I having fun yet? I’ve spent the last few hours “monetizing” the heck out of my blog. It now looks like a gaudy Google Christmas tree. There is some humor value in tarting up my page, especially when a pro-Palin ad gets dropped on a screed about her gibbering bacterial culture of a life. […]
Sandwich Fixins #3
It’s that time again when I’ve got lots of filler but nothing sandwich-worthy. So here it is, another serving of fixins! ***** I think Rudy Giuliani should buy a Porsche so he can say, “Hi, I’m Rudy and this is my 9-11.” It would give him one more way to bring up his favorite topic. […]
The Stupid Baby Name Generator or Zuma Nesta Rock Paper Scissors: Home Edition
Remember back in 1987, when everybody gave Woody Allen crap for naming his kid Satchel? What a difference a couple of decades make. In homage to the latest Hollywood couple upping the ante of sadistic baby names, I have come up with a very unscientific method of naming your next living, breathing fashion accessory. (By […]
3 Uses for September Vogue
Like all good citizens, you are grateful to all the trees who gave their lives to create your fabulous Fall Fashion issue of Vogue. You want to do your part to make the world a more beautiful place. Go beyond the boring dictates of “reduce, reuse, recycle” with these super new ways to give back: […]
Sandwich Fixins #2
Fun Fact: The remains of Fredric Baur, the man who invented the Pringles can, are buried in a Pringles can. Vocabulary Fun for a Good Cause: For each word you define correctly, the United Nations’ World Food Bank will donate ten grains of rice to help feed the world’s hungry. […]
5 Lessons from Customer Service
To give you a little background on my expertise, I can tell you that during my professional career, I’ve made sandwiches, cleaned toilets, sold health food and hawked plastic surgery. Amazingly enough, the plastic surgery patient has much in common with the health food store customer—one wants to stay young forever from the inside out, […]