Weiner Watch 2011

Anthony Weiner

What’s that in your eye?

As of this writing, Congressman Anthony Weiner has refused to resign over sending photographs of his suspicious package to young girls across this great nation of ours. Predictions as to when he will cave under pressure continue apace. I think it will happen Friday at the latest, sooner if Nancy Pelosi gets her hands on him. But I’m no Jimmy the Greek–for all I know, it’s happening right now. It’s anybody’s guess.

The only certainty is that he will resign, despite his vows to the contrary. Weiner is discovering there is scant support for a crusading lone wolf type, especially when the improprieties revealed are so mind-numbingly stupid. I hope Eliot Spitzer has called to let him know that resignation is the first step toward image rehabilitation. I’m getting tired of watching him twist in the wind.

Anthony Weiner's wiener

The junk shot seen ’round the world.

The blogger who broke this story claims to have a more salacious photograph he is holding as insurance against retaliation from the Democrats. I submit that Weiner has more to fear from the Party than the blogger does. Any number of politicians–on either side of the aisle–could tell him damage done to the Party is not soon forgiven. This begs the question: what the hell is wrong with these people? Men, to be specific. Is there some sort of testosterone poisoning that causes them to secretly father children, to hire an escort from an online site or attempt to pick up a man in an airport bathroom, all while trumpeting “family values”?

And now a man named Weiner pitches a pup tent in his shorts, documents it, then shares it with young girls, thereby exciting himself all over again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Were he not a public servant, one might admire Weiner’s use of Facebook and Twitter to perfect his own perpetual erection machine. Then again, judicious use of pornography in the privacy of his own home might have achieved the same goal. And he’d still have a career. Facebook and Twitter are public and people share things. Who knew? Apparently not Congressman Weiner.

Anthony Weiner takes his place in a long line of idiots seemingly ruled by their dicks. Conservatives are taking this opportunity to call for the Democratic Party to return donations. Let’s get real here, guys. If the Republicans gave back donations after every sex scandal, they wouldn’t have the proverbial pot to piss in. They’re going to need it when they’re calling the kettle black.

Updates from Weiner World:
Don’t Cry for Anthony Weiner
Anthony Weiner Waves His Wiener Once More
Weiner Watch 2018: Your Dad’s Not So Bad

Copyright Notice 2018 Magick Sandwich

10 replies
  1. Mrs. Pickle
    Mrs. Pickle says:

    The day that I can say I have been sent some explicit text by an asshole congressman is the day I will be shouting for joy!

    I better get some text message today by some dude with the last name of Weiner today or I am going to be highly disappointed!

  2. Jen
    Jen says:

    I'm pretty sure this is my favorite quote "perpetual erection machine" and I will be making great use of it.

    I think he will be gone by late Friday too. He will wait until everyone has left for the weekend to make the announcement so it gets forgotten over the weekend. If he is lucky Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson will do something stupid or Casey Anthony could admit she did it and stop wasting all that time and money in Florida. He could get lucky.

  3. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Thanks, Jen! That's the Internet's main function, isn't it?

    Weiner still insists he won't resign in a clip of him trying to unlock his front door to get away from reporters. I've seen it on TV approximately 7,018 times so far today.

    Once he's inside, how will he fill his time? I hope he's got a lot of Masterpiece Theatre saved on his TiVo because I don't think his wife will be letting him check his Twitter account anytime soon.

  4. mary w.
    mary w. says:

    Why oh why oh why? Did his last name scar him? Make him think that was all he had to offer? Did he really feel his only purpose was to become pun fodder?

    And your last two lines need to go into some anthology of brilliant summations….seriously.

  5. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Mary, you could be right. But I've met a few Weiners and none has felt the need to publicly display his weiner. I guess we should be happy his name isn't Rectum!

  6. injaynesworld
    injaynesworld says:

    Looks like we're pretty much on the same wave length here. Testosterone is enough to create stupid behavior (and no end to war) all by itself. Add some power in there and the temptation to misbehave is clearly too much for some guys.

    All the stronger reason to elect more women. Because as much as I'd love nothing more than to see Michelle Bachmann tweeting her lady parts, or propositioning an underage congressional page, it ain't never gonna happen.

  7. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Jayne, we are in complete agreement. And I don't this guy should get off the hook by going to dick rehab, either. I doubt he'd do something like that but it seems like everyone wants to pathologize their bad behavior. It sounds better to suffer from a compulsive disorder than to just be a creepy dude who jacks off in the dim light of his computer screen.

    As for Michele Bachmann– a girl can dream. (I don't mean that the way it sounds.) I might go to democrats.org and plunk down some money just to make sure there's someone getting paid to watch her Twitter feed right now.

  8. HermanTurnip
    HermanTurnip says:

    Democrats / Republicans are two sides of the same coin. The issue with Mr. Weiner is that he lied about the whole thing. If he came out swinging saying, "Yeah, that's all me. Consenting adults do crazy things," then I'm not sure he'd be catching as much heat as he is. But then again this type of behavior reflects poorly on a married public official. It's a blow to his personal and professional integrity. I'm counting the days until he resigns.

    Next up, another Republican scandal! I can sense it.

  9. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Herman, I couldn't agree with you more. i knew he was lying the moment he said he didn't think it looked like him in the photo. Parsing the truth at that level reminds me of, "It depends on what the meaning of is is."

    And I hope you're right about a new Republican scandal. I'm sure Obama and John Edwards would appreciate that.


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