This blog is intended for adult entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, prevent or treat any disease. The tasteless and/or crude nature of its content should not be construed as a reflection on the moral character of the reader. If you believe you have reached this page in error, please realize that a record of your visit exists somewhere and may be retrieved in the future by any entity, governmental or otherwise, provided that the aforementioned entity has any interest in doing so. Author assumes no risk or responsibility for reader being “put on a list.” In case of accidental exposure, flush eyes immediately with water.
5 Lessons from Customer Service
To give you a little background on my expertise, I can tell you that during my professional career, I’ve made sandwiches, cleaned toilets, sold health food and hawked plastic surgery. Amazingly enough, the plastic surgery patient has much in common with the health food store customer—one wants to stay young forever from the inside out, […]
Lance and Kate Split: The Horror, The Horror
Say it ain’t so! Philandering one-balled bicyclist Lance Armstrong and free love advocate Kate Hudson have called it quits! I, for one, am shocked and dismayed! Click here for details from Daily News. Just kidding—I know you don’t really care. This is just one more thing to distract us from the national deficit, Ted Stevens‘ […]
Sandwich Fixins
In an homage* to Mattress Police, in which Diesel “clean(s) out the disorganized sock drawer of [his] mind,” I present the hopelessly derivative yet first ever edition of Sandwich Fixins. *homage: ten dollar word for theft ******* Fun Fact: When I was a teenager, I liked to steal “Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted” signs. ******* Psychology […]
Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!
Hey, everybody! Have you been struggling with what to get for those desperately unhappy people in your life? Why wait for an official holiday? (After all, they could be dead by then.) Sad, lonely people are grateful for the smallest gesture and may even feel a flicker of hope before their inexorable fall back into […]
Straight From the Sucker Files: The Q-Link
According to the April 2008 issue of InStyle magazine, Lindsay Lohan wears a powerful fashion statement. “The Q-link is a metallic pendant worn near the heart that purports to adapt to your personal energy frequencies.” Instyle says Madonna wears one, too. I hope this doesn’t clash with the frequencies of her red string anti-evil-eye Kabbalah […]
Twitter Tragedy: A Cry for Help Unheard
Cleveland, OH — The body of a young woman who will perhaps forever be known simply as sadgirl1188 was found early Tuesday morning in her apartment, dead of an apparent suicide. Was she a victim of the phenomenon of social networking? Suzie Gernsall, who spoke on condition of complete lack of anonymity, said she had […]
June 13 is National Pigeon Day – Ask Your Boss for the Day Off
June 13 is National Pigeon Day in Central Park. I found this announcement in New York magazine: “We’re trying to promote a positive image,” says New York Bird Club founder Anna Dove….“There’s such negativity for no reason. They’re harmless, defenseless. They can’t attack; their beak is very soft.” It’s great that these disease-carrying merde machines that […]