douche Archives - Magick Sandwich

Feckless Douche of the Week: Scott Lively and his Pink Swastika

March 9, 2023

Update: Nearly 13 years ago, I named Scott Lively Top Douchebag on Life without Feck, my blog later subsumed by Magick Sandwich. Back then, he knocked Mark Williams off the pedestal. Williams dropped off the map after being kicked out of Tea Party Express because he wrote a racist blog post. Was he a proto-victim of cancel culture? If so, good riddance.

Isn’t it funny how perspectives change? It could be argued that the MAGA Republican faction is the deformed progeny of the Tea Party. On the other hand, the Tea Party seems quaint by comparison in our post-insurrection hellscape.

Well, stand back and stand by: Though we may have reached Peak Douchebaggery in 2023, Scott Lively still stands tall, long after publishing The Pink Swastika: Homosexuality in the Nazi Party.

After wallowing in this guy’s wretchedness for a post that would reach tens of readers, I was feeling a little, oh, I don’t know, pissed off, so I had some childish fun with Mr. Lively’s Wikipedia page, sprinkling into his bio things like, “He enjoys butt stuff in the afternoon.” Unfortunately, my edits are gone.

But this guy hasn’t gone away. I’m sure he’s proud to be branded an extremist by the Human Rights Campaign, Southern Poverty Law Center, and other groups. He has fought to pass anti-gay legislation in Latvia and Uganda and publicly praised Vladimir Putin for criminalizing “gay propaganda.” What a guy.

Did I mention he’s a pastor? He says has changed his focus from persecuting gays to spending more time with his flock in Abiding Truth Ministries, his tax-exempt church. Its website is appropriately named atmchurch.org, since Lively’s parishioners are his living ATMs.

And now, here is my inelegant segue into my original post, already in progress:

I first became acquainted with Pastor Scott Lively, president of “Defend the Family” and co-author of The Pink Swastika, on July 28, 2010, when he appeared in a segment of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Jason Jones interviews Scott Lively, douchebag extraordinaire.

Pastor Lively told Jason Jones, “Open homosexuals are distinct from everybody else, men and women, in being exceptionally brutal and savage….Adolf Hitler used homosexual soldiers because they were more savage than natural men,” adding, “they didn’t have the restraint a normal man has. It was easier for them to do some of the terrible things that the Nazis did.”

Lively told Jones he wishes this cup could be taken from him:

“It’s not easy to be a person who tells the truth when a large part of the population doesn’t want to hear it. Frankly, I wish I’d gotten a different assignment….I woulda loved to just been hanging out on the beach someplace. But instead I got stuck with dealing with homosexual Nazis.”

Researching Pastor Lively, I discovered more interesting nuggets about Hitler and his cronies. The initial meeting of what would become the Nazi Party occurred in a gay bar. Each young Brownshirt was matched up with a homosexual male adult to initiate him into the league of gay Aryan supermen.

How to explain the extermination of gays by the Third Reich? Lively has a simple answer. “The Nazis did persecute homosexuals to distract public attention away from their homosexuality.”

I was shocked at the number of sites recommending The Pink Swastika as a source of well-supported historical facts being suppressed by gay activists and even by the National Holocaust Museum. The book is now in its fourth edition due to nice Christian groups all over the Internet plugging it almost as hard as they peddle the Almighty. [Note: I’m unsure what edition it is on now, but I found someone selling the 5th edition paperback on Walmart.com. I shudder to think what content Google will serve me now.]

Then it all started to make me ill. WWJB, people? What would Jesus blog? I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t take to the Web in support of a book that advocates murdering homosexuals. I’m not talking about the Nazis this time: I’m referring to Pastor Lively’s book, sermons, and life’s work.

“Pastor,”–because quotes should flank that honorific like traffic cones–you seem every bit as brutal and savage as the fantasy you promote as truth. Far be it from me to suggest that you tell this story to the next guy you see with a swastika tattoo. I’m sure he’d enjoy acquainting you with your feminine side.

But that wouldn’t be very Christian of me, would it? Not that I’m Christian; I’m not. But I have a conscience. Since you most likely believe in an afterlife, allow me to paint you a picture. Fire. Brimstone. You, servicing Satan’s balls for eternity. (I hear he swings both ways. You got a problem with that?) Bon appetit!

More douches:
Feckless Douche of the Week: Mark Williams
Feckless Douche of the Week: Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh – Douche of the Week

September 18, 2009

It’s easy to say that we should stop paying attention to Rush Limbaugh, that by repeating his hateful speech, we are keeping him on the national stage. If you believe that, then I’ve got news for you. A lot of people listen to him and he’s not going away. His rhetoric needs to be dragged into the light and exposed as the stinking garbage it is. Here are a few smelly bits from his radio show:

Regarding Kanye West’s rude behavior toward Taylor Swift at the VMAs, Limbaugh said Obama was “probably just jealous” of Kanye’s communication skills when Obama called him a “jackass.”

Responding to police claims that an attack on a white student by black students on a bus was not racially motivated, Limbaugh said:

I think the guy’s wrong. I think not only it was racism, it was justifiable racism. I mean, that’s the lesson we’re being taught here today. Kid shouldn’t have been on the bus anyway. We need segregated buses — it was invading space and stuff. This is Obama’s America.

He also talked about how happy he is that “Obama’s failing,” that it’s what he’s wanted all along. He joked that on Monday Night football, whenever Tom Brady said “hut” it made him think of Obama’s family in Kenya, and speculated that Obama doesn’t help his family there because his “half-white side” is racist. Then he dropped this piece of philosophical excrement:

If homosexuality being inborn is what makes it acceptable, why does racism being inborn not make racism acceptable? I’m sorry — I mean, this is the way my mind works. But apparently now we don’t choose racism, we just are racists. We are born that way. We don’t choose it. So shouldn’t it be acceptable, excuse — this is according to the way the left thinks about things.

Why does anyone listen to this asshole? Apparently, this is what passes for revolutionary, patriotic thought in his fans’ minds. This would be laughable if people didn’t hang on the buffoon’s every ignorant word. It’s the Gospel of Saint Hate.

We’ve had a lot of celebrities die this year. Rush’s ample adipose tissue must hold a pharmacy’s worth of Oxycontin but the guy just won’t overdose. If only he would learn the pleasures of autoerotic asphyxiation without the safety measures. It would take an awfully strong closet rod to hold him up. Start researching fine hotels and I’ll get the belt.

More about Rush:
Listening to Limbaugh
Stop Picking on Rush Limbaugh!

Robert Novak is Dead

August 18, 2009

Robert Novak, the right-wing “journalist” who outed Valerie Plame (with Karl Rove’s assistance) has died of brain cancer.

I hope they cut out his tumor and throw it a parade.

Begin the Day With a Friendly Voice

April 28, 2009

There should be only one Rush to rule the airwaves.
Up with Lee, Lifeson and Peart!
Down with hate-mongering Limbaugh!

More:
Stop Picking on Rush Limbaugh!

Stop Picking on Rush Limbaugh!

January 31, 2009

On Wednesday, January 21, Rush Limbaugh struck a blow for freedom and truth. While others cowered like toadies of the new administration, he spoke truth to power, saying:

I hope he fails.

To be fair, the full quote is this:

So I shamelessly say, no, I want him to fail, if his agenda is a far- left collectivism, some people say socialism, as a conservative heartfelt, deeply, why would I want socialism to succeed?

See, that’s not so bad, is it? He’s qualifying his desire for the President (and by extension the U.S. government and all its citizens) to go down in a smoking pile of wreckage.

As he told Sean Hannity of FOX, he was just saying what everyone was thinking. He then chastised Republicans who’ve “drunk the Kool-Aid.” (Will that beloved drink ever live down the whole Jim Jones thing? Talk about a PR nightmare.)

We’re witnessing racism all this week that led up to the inauguration. We are being told that we have to hope he succeeds, that we have to bend over, grab the ankles, bend over forward, backward, whichever, because his father was black, because this is the first black president.

Limbaugh exposes the outrage of Obama’s not having the decency to have two white parents. Then again, I’m fairly sure that the press and those on both sides of the aisle suffered similar humiliation when forced to cheer for Obama’s predecessor. I imagine that must have felt like having Bozo the clown give one an enema.

In keeping with Mr. Limbaugh’s bracing honesty, I respectfully express to him my own heartfelt wish:

I hope you OD, you bloated pill-popping parasite, you weeping sore on the ass of humanity.

Bill O’Reilly Cures Depression

May 15, 2008

Yes, dear imaginary reader, I’ve been feeling Too Bummed to Blog, which should be listed in the DSM-IV. (If you don’t know what the DSM-IV is, wiki it, okay? I don’t have the will to explain.)

This is one of those times when subscribing to updates from Funny or Die pays off. Part of the allure must be its name, which appeals to both ends of my psychic teeter-totter. Checking email requires a vanishingly small amount of volition; clicking a hyperlink burns less than a mental calorie. Even I can handle that.

The site’s recording of an actual call to Des Moines Police Dispatch by an officer being hit with an M&M is priceless. (Update: While the audio is no longer available, you can still find the news story here. I wonder if the college student arrested for the assault has had trouble finding employment because of his criminal record. As I write this nine years later, I realize how unfunny that run-in would be today.)

That leads me to the video of a Bill O’Reilly meltdown, which is pure audiovisual Prozac. I guarantee it will warm your cockles, wherever they may anatomically be. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you: when are you going to get around to washing those? They’re starting to reek.

In fact, if you suffer from a mood disorder of any kind, I highly recommend signing up for Funny or Die’s newsletter. Of course, the Will Ferrell “Landlord” video is deservedly the site’s most famous offering. But even the lame bits beat any spam from Nigeria or one of your buddy’s latest computer virus warnings. (“Somebody checked it out on snopes.com, so it must be true!”)

N.B. If you’re still feeling down, maybe Bill’s rant wasn’t enough for you. In this case, I would prescribe Top Ten Angry On-Camera Meltdowns, stat. If you’re still depressed, call 911. I’m not a miracle worker.

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