Chocolate Powered by Prayer: Product of the Week

Despite our name, we at Magick Sandwich do not believe in magical foodstuffs. So imagine our surprise when we found this company peddling enlightened delectation: Intentional Chocolate.

First of all, let me point out that unless you’re being tortured–the technical term might be choco-boarding– your ingestion of chocolate could arguably be defined as intentional. But this company goes way beyond that simple definition.

Its founder, Jim Walsh, states: “Whoever consumes this chocolate will manifest optimal health and functioning at physical, emotional and mental levels and in particular will enjoy an increased sense of energy, vigor and well-being for the benefit of all beings.”

This feat is accomplished by having each chocolate prayed over by “advanced meditators — some who have trained with the Dalai Lama — and is delivered with love to those who eat it.” I would hope in addition to love, the Lama taught them to use sneeze guards, rubber gloves and observe the “Employees Must Wash Hands” sign in the company restroom. No offense to these highly-trained love infusion specialists, but I don’t want monk snot or worse on my chocolate.

Still skeptical? It’s been “proven by scientific research to heighten well-being.” In 2007, alternative health journal Explore (which also touts garlic as a breast cancer preventive) reported that a study of 62 people found that subjects who ate the intention-infused chocolate had more energy and better moods after three days than subjects stuck with plain chocolate. Wow, I’m convinced. Imagine what they could accomplish if they prayed for world peace?

The site also asks this deep question. “Why is a home cooked meal so satisfying and healing? Because it was made with love and infused with care.” But my grandparents hated each other. Why didn’t her cooking kill him? Hey, wait a second…he did die, eventually. This Jim Walsh guy is onto something. Just to be on the safe side, make sure someone tickles the chef or slips him a Prozac the next time you’re out to dinner.

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15 replies
  1. C:
    C: says:

    It is time to get some of these "advanced meditators" slinging their prayers in the breweries!

    Why should the chocoholics get all the perks!?!

  2. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    C:: Right after they pray the calories out of my pizza!

    SueAnn: It's nice to know that monks can be used in the pursuit of crass materialism. Next time I see one, I'm going to ask him to bless my Egg McMuffin!

  3. Unfinished Rambler
    Unfinished Rambler says:

    I wonder if they could bless alcohol for me, because THAT would be awesome. I'd like my Jagermeister blessed, maybe a group of German monks are already doing that, huh?

  4. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    I bet their "monks" are actually "child laborers" who "have trained with the Dalai Lama" by watching him on youtube.

    "Now hold your hands up like the nice man in the video, close your eyes, and sit here for hours a day as the chocolate moves by on the assembly line."

  5. Anna Jane
    Anna Jane says:

    For a split second I thought this post was about the method of intending to eat chocolate but not doing it because its oh so evil and bad for you and full of ugly chemicals.
    But praying over chocolate?! Well now, that is a little silly.

    – Anna Jane xxx

  6. dana
    dana says:

    Praying over chocolate is no sillier than praying over sick people. I would have been healed on many occasions if that worked. Call me bitter but, although you'll always see crutches and canes left behind after a revival meeting, you'll never see wigs or artificial legs because the person grew hair or another limb after the service.

    On the other hand….I'm not against a little chocolate investigation.

  7. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Unfinished: Blessed Jager-bombs: why not?

    Maurice: True. I knew a priest who got a little too hooked on that wine. Always blessing too much so he could tipple it after communion. Come to think of it, though, I don't remember him ever getting sick.

    thinkinfu: You always get right to the heart of the matter. No bullshit, just chocolate.

    Anna Jane: What about intentionally chewing chocolate and then spitting it out to avoid the calories? That should be my next post.

    Dana: I love that–I've never heard it before. But maybe those bald, limbless people just aren't praying hard enough?

    Speaking of bitter, what's up with bitter chocolate? Is it the makers' bitterness that gives it that nasty taste? And why would you take perfectly good chocolate and make it bitter? That's like sprinkling alfalfa on an ice cream sundae!

  8. Skye
    Skye says:

    Oh my, how lovely it is that chocolate is being blessed! Now if only they can bless me into being able to open my own business. I'd call it "Death by Chocolate" :D

  9. kathcom
    kathcom says:

    Moooooog35: I think they'd actually get double the benefit since they're getting a second performance of the blessed chocolate on the way up. Geez, people with eating disorders have all the luck!


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