Lance and Kate Split: The Horror, The Horror

Say it ain’t so! Philandering one-balled bicyclist Lance Armstrong and free love advocate Kate Hudson have called it quits! I, for one, am shocked and dismayed! Click here for details from Daily News. Just kidding—I know you don’t really care. This is just one more thing to distract us from the national deficit, Ted Stevens‘ […]

Magick Sandwich

Sandwich Fixins

In an homage* to Mattress Police, in which Diesel “clean(s) out the disorganized sock drawer of [his] mind,” I present the hopelessly derivative yet first ever edition of Sandwich Fixins. *homage: ten dollar word for theft ******* Fun Fact: When I was a teenager, I liked to steal “Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted” signs. ******* Psychology […]

i wish i were dead mug

Great Gifts for Depressed Friends!

Hey, everybody! Have you been struggling with what to get for those desperately unhappy people in your life? Why wait for an official holiday? (After all, they could be dead by then.) Sad, lonely people are grateful for the smallest gesture and may even feel a flicker of hope before their inexorable fall back into […]

Magick Sandwich

Twitter Tragedy: A Cry for Help Unheard

Cleveland, OH — The body of a young woman who will perhaps forever be known simply as sadgirl1188 was found early Tuesday morning in her apartment, dead of an apparent suicide. Was she a victim of the phenomenon of social networking? Suzie Gernsall, who spoke on condition of complete lack of anonymity, said she had […]

June 13 is National Pigeon Day – Ask Your Boss for the Day Off

June 13 is National Pigeon Day in Central Park. I found this announcement in New York magazine: “We’re trying to promote a positive image,” says New York Bird Club founder Anna Dove….“There’s such negativity for no reason. They’re harmless, defenseless. They can’t attack; their beak is very soft.” It’s great that these disease-carrying merde machines that […]

Magick Sandwich

Je suis arrivée!

I have arrived! This is such a proud moment for me. I received this email from BlogRush today, a wonderful company that helps bloggers get more traffic in exchange for putting a large link on their sites. This message is to inform you that we have carefully reviewed your blog: Magick Sandwich And your blog […]

Magick Sandwich

Idiocracy Now Qualifies as a Documentary

The movie Idiocracy will get a second chance with American audiences during its upcoming release as a documentary, say Hollywood insiders. Overlooked during its initial run as a comedy, critics found the plot too far-fetched, with a pro wrestler as president and a dumbed-down future in which Ow, My Balls! was the highest-rated TV show […]

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